The other day I was talking with a close sister of mine, and we spoke about resembling the things we learned in our homes. And of course, in true fashion, I stumbled across a video on YouTube of Iyanla Vanzant speaking about broken pieces. If you haven’t already, you should read her book “Peace From Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through.” Iyanla says, “you can make it on broken pieces.” Whether it be your identity, family, visions, dreams, or failures. Those pieces can bring you peace if you learn to fix them instead of denying them.
In this blog post, I will talk about the piece: family and its effects on our behavior in our everyday lives. Also known as family pathology. This area of psychology studies the family as a system, analyzing behaviors, communication patterns, and emotional responses among family members. Spiritually speaking, we are breaking generational curses.
Below are a few questions that can help us get started with mending our broken piece: family.
What were you taught by your family?
•How were you taught to respond to adversity/stress?
•How were you raised to deal with “being broke”?
•What did you learn from the elders in your family when it comes to relationships?
Who did they say I was?
•Did your family speak life/affirmations to you?
•Were you encouraged to follow your dreams?
•Were you congratulated on your successes?
•Were you put down on your failures?
Who am I?
•Who do you believe you are deep inside?
•What do you want out of this life?
•Have I done everything I can to obtain the life I dream of?
•Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
•What do I believe about myself?
Most of us are placing our identity in family opinions. Subconsciously, we live day to day with the patterns we learned from adolescents; reliving toxic traits from experience to experience. Identifying behaviors or habits that we learned early on is the first step of mending our family piece.
I grew up in a broken family full of toxic traits, lack of communication, little to no emotional support; where children were seen but not heard. I believed early on that, people who love me were supposed to deny me, dismiss me, and abuse me to “teach me.” And the others that loved me didn’t protect me. I was taught not to trust my instincts; especially if it wasn’t aligned with my parent’s vision. All these things became apart of my pathology. In other words, these patterns came to life in all the relationships that I acquired over time. Now in my journey on healing, I realized that what my family taught me was wrong. So the question I asked myself was, how do I unlearn this?
Family tends to have an agenda for your life. So the first thing I learned is “when you have a vision stand firm in it even if you’re standing alone.” You don’t need agreement from those around you for you to be you. Simply ask for support and continue on with the plan. Someone else’s response shouldn’t waiver what you know and feel inside. If people look like they doubt you then just close your eyes. And if they don’t want to support you, that’s okay, all you need is you, and the rest will follow. Self-doubt is just you believing what you were told you are.
The second thing I learned was that the universe is saying you can have everything your heart desires, but you have to mend your broken pieces. That’s the only way you can genuinely nurture a blessing. Find who you are, trust who you are, and make peace with your broken pieces. Life always brings us what we need, and until you make peace with your pieces, life will keep showing you what you’re made of until you believe it.
Jolie’s I’ll leave you with this, as long as we want our pieces to be different, we can’t make peace with them. You are dealt the cards you were dealt because God knew you could handle it. So believe that. Don’t go into relationships with the same patterns expecting different outcomes. You are not who they say you are but who you believe you are. Celebrate you.